


It's a Lovely Day for Interdimensional Chaos

by Traykor



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Untitled Goose Game (Video Game)
Genre: Assorted Cameo Characters, Assorted Cameo Fandoms, Crack Crossover, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Golden Girls References, Transdimensional chaos for fun and profit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:15:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28144458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Traykor/pseuds/Traykor
Summary: It's a lovely day in the multiverse, and a very strange man has asked for help winning a scavenger hunt.Which sounds like a very interesting To Do list.
Comments: 43
Kudos: 113
Collections: Yuletide 2020





	It's a Lovely Day for Interdimensional Chaos

**Author's Note:**

  * For [InArduisFidelis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InArduisFidelis/gifts).



> "Include any of the fandoms I have bookmarks in on AO3"  
> I'm a bit of a fandom butterfly, so I couldn't stick to just one, it was too hard to decide!

Deadpool was going to win this charity scavenger hunt no matter what.

Look.

One prize was a package of classic TV memorabilia that included certain items from the set of Golden Girls and a signed Bea Arthur portrait.

Plus tea with Betty White.

He had to have it. He had to win! There was abso-fucking-lutely no way Wade Wilson was going to let anyone else walk away with that sweet, sweet, golden prize. No.

No way, no how, not gonna happen.

But Spidey said if he stole anything from the fundraiser he would tell every restaurant in the five boroughs that he, Deadpool, was forbidden from the purchase of any form of chimichanga. Along with other creative threats.

It really was heartwarming how well Spidey knew him, wasn’t it?

Any-way…

The charity event required collecting items from popular media franchises, the more realistic the better, with points assigned for how difficult the item should be to obtain or create a replica of. What was _supposed_ to happen was either a lot of creative effort on the part of fans, or wild payments to a variety of prop studios and museums that had signed on to funnel money to the fundraiser. Some items with high point values were thus shamelessly pay-to-play in the hope of raising massive cash.

Deadpool, not having Tony Stark’s pocketbook, had decided to take a bit of a shortcut. One that involved a carefully co-opted forgotten piece of tech in Reed Richard’s basement, a not-cat named Goose who came with a Tesseract, and an actual goose.

The goose was the most important part.

Fuelled by the Tesseract, Reed’s little discarded tinker toy turned into a very peculiar trans-dimensional door. One that could open a gate to fictional universes.

His first try at using it had introduced him to a very particular goose.

Who bit him and then had wrecked half the lab before he’d managed to slow it down long enough for a chat.

It was a good thing Deadpool could read subtitles. And that the goose could apparently read narrative text. Clever fucker, isn’t he?

“Honk!” (You wanna have a go?)

This goose was an asshole.

It was love.

One promise of a very rare bell for the Goose, as well as an opportunity to be an asshole across space and time, and a promise of several future favors and at least one nice thing for Nick Fury for Goose the ~~cat~~ flerken (who also, it turned out, was kind of into the asshole across space and time thing, who knew?), and Deadpool had himself a new pair of accomplices.

He, being the one with the opposable thumbs, would be staying behind to work the machine.

Deadpool double-checked to make sure he’d picked items his new minions might actually get away with, but at least a few with really high potential point values.

“Hey, alien monster Goose?”

“Mer?” ( _Yes?_ )

“Think you can get a whole-ass car down?”

“Meow.” ( _Yup. Anyone in it will regret it though._ )

“Don’t care. Hmm. What else. I don’t think even you, my fine flerken friend, should risk trying for that other car. And anyway we are not giving either Goose a gun, even briefly.” Deadpool shuddered, crossing items off the list. “Just no, no guns for geese. Pretty sure those boys would shoot both Gooses on sight anyway.”

“Honk!” ( _I can take ‘em._ )

He paused to consider the list.

“Yuris are too cute to make cry. Again. More. Than they already cry.” He said as he crossed another set of items off. Fuck it. This list would have to do. His ultra authenticity would just have to be enough points to get him his pick of prizes.

“Okay boys! I think we’ve got it.” Goose and goose took their places. “Remember, everything on the to do list, give all objects to the flerken for safe keeping, and activate the beacon to come home. Have fun!”

A whir, a flash, and both disappeared.

  


* * *

  


The would-be thieves dropped into a dark brick corridor lined with paintings.

“My word!” cried one of the paintings, “is that a goose?”

“Honk!” ( _Shut it._ )

> _to do:  
>  -get a house scarf from each house  
>  -get a wand  
>  -10 points from Gryffindor_

One of the paintings swung open, revealing a room beyond, as a small group of students emerged.

“Is that a goose?” one red-haired twin asked.

Show time.

“Honk!”

Running straight at humans had the usual effect of making them scatter and yell, which was always fun. One student’s scarf—red and yellow—trailed just far enough behind them that a sharp tug pulled it clean off.

“Hey! It’s got my scarf!”

The goose turned, snapped the scarf around his own neck, and took off down the corridor, flerken close behind. The students took off in pursuit.

The goose kept one step ahead of them with a little help from Goose and video game luck. More students joined the chase—and there! A silver and blue scarf, and black and yellow one, around the necks of two students coming out of a doorway down the hall.

“Honk.” ( _You take right, I’ll take left._ )

“Mew.” ( _Got it._ )

They split around the two, each snagging a scarf as they went, tumbling both to the floor and into the path of the pursuit team behind them.

Strike!

Both scarves got pulled into flerken portal space as they jumped further down the hall. Around another corner they spotted their last scarf target around the neck of one Draco Malfoy. Who was standing next to Professor Snape.

Not that either goose or Goose were about to let good sense stop them now.

The goose was still wearing the Gryffindor scarf.

“Honk.” ( _I’ve got an idea, follow my lead and be ready to hit the exit button._ )

“Meow.” ( _Sure._ )

The goose slid to a stop right in front of the two and stood perfectly still. Goose sat primly next to him.

Snape warily eyed them both.

“Did someone have a mishap in Transfigurations?”

“Maybe they got cursed, Professor?”

The goose bobbed his head in an enthusiastic yes. Snape relaxed slightly and pulled out his wand to fix what some foolish student had done. “Ten points from Gryffindor for getting turned into a goose, by the way.”

As soon as his wand was up, a flerken tentacle shot out and snatched it away. The goose shot forward and snatched the end of Draco’s scarf tugging it off before he could get his own wand out.

Draco screamed at the tentacles, Snape pulled them both away, and both creatures promptly disappeared, leaving chaos in their wake.

  


* * *

  


The next portal opened neatly on top of a desk rather overloaded with paperwork. A dark haired man, who was probably supposed to be doing said paperwork, was instead half-way dozing off in his chair. He jumped to attention when they landed and grabbed at a pair of gloves that were sitting on the desk next to one of the stacks of paperwork.

> _to do:  
>  -get Ed’s pocket watch  
>  -get Roy’s gloves  
>  -burn paperwork_

Roy was fast, but so was the goose, who grabbed the other end of the gloves. A tug of war ensued which knocked most of the contents of the desk to the floor and raised enough of a ruckus that the door burst open to admit one Edward Elric. The goose finally got enough leverage to catch Roy full in the face with both wings.

Roy dropped the gloves, just as Ed aimed a spell at the enemy.

The goose flew backwards now that nothing was holding the other end.

Ed missed.

The desk burst into flames.

The goose paused a moment to admire the destruction, then tossed the gloves to Goose.

“What the hell is that thing?” Why did everyone react to the tentacles that way? Oh well, that provided enough of a distraction for the goose to pluck a certain watch right from Ed’s pocket.

“HEY!”

Time to go!

  


* * *

  


Rudely, the portal this time dropped both goose and flerken in a very large bath. The flerken reacted rather like a cat would, scrambling instantly out of it.

The goose didn’t mind a bit. Oooh! Shiny necklace!

The two men in the bath, on the other hand, objected nearly as much as the flerken. Which allowed a good sharp yank by one strong beak to pull one shiny necklace off.

“Fuck!”

> _to do:  
>  -toss a coin to your witcher  
>  -get Geralt’s necklace  
>  -break a lute’s strings_

Geralt sprang out of the water to head for his sword but stopped short to glare at the cat that was between him and it.

That wasn’t a cat.

He could tell.

There was no way that was a cat.

While witcher and flerken eyed each other, Jaskier was eyeing the goose and the necklace. The goose was eyeing the lute behind him.

Hmmm.

Dangly bits.

One sharp bite to one very unfortunate place and Jaskier screeched higher than any maiden. He also fell backwards.

Right onto one poor lute.

Breaking it completely counted as breaking the strings, right? Jaskier’s shriek distracted Geralt just long enough for the goose to dart over to Goose.

Goose meanwhile, opened wide, reached inside, and pulled out a coin pouch.

It hit Geralt square in the face.

“Honk?” ( _You keep cash?_ )

“Meow.” ( _Bribes happen._ )

And with that, they left.

 _Fuck_ , Geralt thought.

  


* * *

  


Goose and flerken stepped out behind a tree in a rather large forest. A small village could be seen just beyond the edge of the trees.

Hm. Ninjas. Best to make this a quick one.

> _to do:  
>  -get a headband  
>  -spill the ramen_

“Hooooonnnkkkk!!!!!!”

Naruto turned from his bowl of ramen and looked up at the sudden cry, just as a goose barreled out of the forest and straight for him.

Followed by a cat?

Both creatures leapt straight for him, knocking the bowl of ramen over the counter as they leapt up towards the roof of the ramen stand.

Before he could do more than curse, a tentacle reached down and plucked the headband off his head. Both creatures then promptly disappeared.

What the hell was that?

  


* * *

  


This portal opened politely into the very back room of a very dusty bookshop. Both thieves crept forwards to peer around a stuffed bookcase.

Two men-shaped beings sat on a rather ugly sofa, both with wine and clearly well into their cups.

> _to do:  
>  -trip some angels  
>  -steal a car_

Right. The car.

A very quiet, “Honk.” ( _You head for the car, I’ll distract them._ )

“Meow.” ( _Have fun!_ )

Four-legged Goose ducked out the back door to look for a very particular Bentley.

Two-legged goose very quietly waddled under the couch. Neither angel noticed. Oh so carefully, the goose untied the laces of their shoes, and then backed up.

“HONK!”

Crowley and Aziraphale both jumped, and then fell forward in a tumble of books. The goose dashed out of the bookshop.

In the street outside, a full mass of tentacles was wrapped around a lovely Bentley. With a great heave, and more than a bit of strain (Goose might have been overstating his load rating), down the dimensional pocket it went.

A good half a second before two angels also made it outside.

“Not the car!”

Really time to go.

  


* * *

  


This looked like a rather ordinary kitchen. There was no one in it, but a lot of noise came from the room just beyond. It sounded like a large number of teenagers.

> _to do:  
>  -get an All Might figurine  
>  -steal someone’s hero costume_

Goose the flerken was eyeing the snacks on the counter, but the goose hurried him away. They had a To Do list, after all, and snacks weren’t on it. A peek into the room showed an array of teens on various couches around a TV playing video games and studying.

Nothing like teen absorbed in what they were doing. They didn’t even notice the cat and goose sneak from the kitchen to the stairs.

Once on the stairs, however, they ran into a bit of road block.

Door. Doors. Doors. Too many to choose, and they needed to know where their targets were before they were spotted. Hmmmm.

Locked.

Locked.

Locked.

Open! Success!

Ew. Well, this was certainly the room of a teenage boy. One who was clearly way too obsessed with girls. Pinups everywhere.

Not that either Goose cared, because carelessly dropped in a heap in the corner was a costume. Score.

Their luck ran out coming out of the room, however, or perhaps went sideways, as they ran into a boy opening the door of the room next door.

Downside: getting caught.

Upside: All Might figurine in hand.

Charge!

Midoriya stumbled backwards as the goose ran into him at full force. It grabbed the new All Might figurine box out of his hand and headed for the stairs. Midoriya recovered quickly, and—being significantly faster than a goose, especially when precious merch was on the line—made it to the bottom first.

“Stop thief!” He took up a stance in front of the goose. “Give All Might back!”

The rest of the class, having the instincts born of one too many traumatic situations, quickly appeared as well.

Surrounded. Rats.

Goose slunk close to goose as they took up their own defensive position.

“Give the box back and come into the common room,” said a very quiet voice.

Pfft. As if. But very much against his will, the goose did just that.

What the hell? This was not okay!

Midoriya clutched the box. “Why would it want the figure?”

“Why did you?” Koda asked.

“Honk.” ( _We’re doing a scavenger hunt._ )

“A scavenger hunt?” That little tidbit set off a flurry of comments from the surrounding teens.

“Who would send a goose and cat on a scavenger hunt?” “Does one of the other classes have someone with an animal quirk?” “Why weren’t we invited?”

The goose eyed the box.

“No.” said Midoriya.

“Honk.” ( _Tentacle time, buddy_.)

“Tentacles?” said Koda.

Goose opened wide. 20 super-powered teens screamed.

And then attacked.

Goose just managed to grab goose, figurine box, and a couch for blocking. The couch took the damage, the goose bit a few fingers and, by a feather, they both got away. No one was willing to go near the portal. Portals went bad places.

The common room was trashed. The teachers were never going to believe them.

Mineta wouldn’t find out about the missing costume until Monday.

  


* * *

  


In a cozy hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. And now that hole had a goose and a flerken too.

Are flerkens more or less messy than dwarves?

> _to do:  
>  -get Sting  
>  -raid the larder_

“Mew. Meow!” ( _Larder first this time. I’m hungry._ )

“Honk.” ( _Fair._ )

It was a very nice larder. Very full of many very lovely things, good for both flerken and goose. A large bag of dried oats and an assortment of greens for the goose. A large fish clearly intended for the evening meal for Goose. They were able to make quite a dent in their chosen foods before they were interrupted.

“Thieves! Invaders! Get out of my pantry!”

Bilbo chased both out. They split up, upending furniture left and right. Poor Bilbo didn’t know which to chase first. He went looking for a broom. Meanwhile, the goose had spotted a large trunk.

A few good pokes, and a little tentacle help, and they soon had it open. Right as Bilbo reappeared with the broom of course.

“Get out of there!”

The goose had barely managed to grab the sword out before the trunk lid was slammed shut. But now he had a sword. Sting was just small enough to beak wield.

That was fun.

Sword and broom faced off.

A thrust, a parry, and a well timed wing flap, and Bilbo tripped.

Time to get away while they could.

  


* * *

  


As goose and Goose bounced out of the portal, sword still in the goose’s bill, it was clear that Deadpool wasn’t alone.

Spiderman stood next to him, arms crossed. It was kind of funny how you could tell how annoyed he was, even without being able to see his facial expressions.

“Honk!” ( _Who’s this dude? Should I stab him?_ )

“Deadpool.”

“Spidey.”

“Are you cheating on a scavenger hunt?”

“Define cheating again? Because I believe the rules of a scavenger hunt are to scavenge up the items. Which I have done. And teams are explicitly allowed in the rules; I did, in fact, check. I am hurt that you would think that I did not check such a simple rule like that, and there was nothing, not a single thing, in any of the official or unofficial rules that in any way could be construed as any kind of prohibition on the use of trans-dimensional travel to obtain the actual original items. So there.”

Spiderman glared.

“Just let me win this one.”

A sigh. “Fine. But you’re putting everything back, afterwards.”

“YES! Deal. Come on Gooses, we have a contest to win! Also put down the sword, why did we give you a sword you are not safe with a sword…”

  


* * *

  


_Some time later…_

The goose waddled his way down his little path past the well to his treasure ditch. Clutched tight in his beak with a dull bell. It didn’t ring as he walked, but it did have a very interesting crack down one side.

Deadpool had shrunk it, just for him.

He carefully added it to the pile.

Today was a good day.


End file.
